Friday, June 26, 2009

Opportunity Cost

Something moved past the house at high speed. I stirred and went back to sleep.

Then another one *whoosh*.

And another.

As they approached their noise grew increasingly loud, and for the millisecond they flew by my window I felt like my house would crumble like it was made from a deck of cards.

The ground shook.

My eyes shot open.

“No,” I whispered silently, “God no!”

I knew what they were, and I knew why they were here. Low altitude fighter jets were only deployed for one reason. My world was over.

“I’ll do anything,” I cried silently from my bed, willing myself to move but unable to, “I’ll give him up, I’ll stop.” I didn’t think twice about the words that I prayed silently, I knew the reason I was still here.

If it was true, what I thought was happening, then shutting my eyes and never opening them again would be better than what I would have to face. I was trapped in my body, in my own bed, forced to realize the heartache that was coming even before it came. My family would be gone, my earth would be rocked, my reasons for living taken away in seconds.

News channels all showed the same thing, but I wasn’t sure how I was watching. It was almost telepathic, however my sudden possession of supernatural powers didn’t surprise me in the least. Every channel carried the same headline: DISASTER. On a massive scale.

God had left the world. He had left us humans to our own devices. He had gotten sick of watching our sin, and turned away from our shame. Lies, lust, loathing of our fellow humans, lack of compassion, loss of morality. He’d taken his children away, and the rest of us that remained, would live in a world without Him, which equaled only one thing. DISASTER.

My heart rate doubled at the thought, I felt it beat a tune that the world would dance to for a long time to come.

Fires, turmoil, confusion, tears. Husbandless wives, motherless children, a half empty world.

I prayed fiercely but silently, “God I can change, I can stop, I can give him up. Don't let this be real," I shuddered before the rest of the sentence escaped my lips, "don't leave me behind."

Silence. The commotion had stopped as suddenly as it started.

All of a sudden the world was at peace again.

I could hear silent rhythmic breathing in the bed next to mine. I sat up and called her name, “Zoe?” She stirred. My sister was still here.

I picked up my cell phone, and clicked the green call button to light up the screen. 3am.

It was over. I’d had a nightmare while fully conscious. A vision?

I silently thanked God for not giving up on me, and that my family was still here.

Then my thoughts flew to him, in an instant I had traded him without hesitation to get my life back. Wasn’t he part of my life? One of my constant sources of happiness for the little time I’d known him. He meant a lot to me.

After regaining total control of my mind and emotion, only one question came to mind.

How could I give him up?


  1. Lol.. Now I'm wondering if you ever mentioned it to him..

  2. Haha, yh he knows...
    I think now we might have trust issues, lol

  3. Lol.. To be expected then..
    Given these circumstances..