Monday, July 27, 2009

Throwback

Falling in love is not a beautiful thing. What is so beautiful about standing at the edge of a cliff, trying to decide whether it’s worth it to take a plunge that will most certainly lead to sudden death. Something has to die for another to be born, I’m not sure who made that rule, but it seems to keep things in check. It keeps the rhythm of the universe, and the balance in nature. So what dies when we fall in love? Standing at the edge of a cliff, eyes set on the target, arms embracing the wind, we believe we can fly. Madness. For the reality is, humans don’t fly. We plunge, we dive, we soar for a while; eventually our feet touch the ground. Then the reality sets in, we never flew. For those moments it felt like we did, like we were invincible, untouchable. But just like we inhale, we exhale. Equal opposite reaction.

So what do I do, standing at the edge of that cliff? That’s when the voices set in, so many voices, everyone knows. They all have an answer. “JUMP! Take a risk, do something you’ve never done before”, “What’s worst that could happen?”… Words pushing me forward into uncertainty with such conviction. But how do they know I wonder, what if I fail, what if I hurt? The other voices seem louder now, the ones that say “Turn around, this is foolishness”, “Not all new experiences are good experiences”, “You jumped off a cliff before, not this one, but what’s the difference?” And then I wonder how these voices know this cliff won’t be different.

So I steady my feet to hold the weight of my confusion. I brace myself for the endless possibilities that lie ahead of me. Searching for some confidence in the safety I’m preparing to leave behind me. Some reason in my past that will push me into my uncertain future. And again one word comes to mind, madness. Why leave all that you know, all that you’re sure of, for a risk that might not be worth taking. So I turn around, and take one step back. My chest is tight, my breath is short, fear of giving up slowly sets in. But why? Can I miss something I never knew, or lose something I never had?

2 comments:

  1. Why bother thinking hard over taking that step off the edge of the cliff?
    Don't brood...
    Get on with living and loving...
    You don't have forever.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nuffin ventured nuffin gained :)

    ReplyDelete