Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Private Little Moments

*Just a little something I wrote while practicing my writing, like every other hobby writing must be practiced often*

The silence was heavy.
Almost as heavy as his arm across my waist, but that heaviness was at least enjoyable because it kept me warm. I felt secure with his arm there, and mine lying across his; fingers intertwined.
The heaviness of the silence however, not quiet the same.
The problem was that this heaviness was born of awkwardness. The words we said to each other often without speaking, a conversation that had been rung almost dry and thus hung damp in the air. He knew I was awake, but I was pretending to sleep, breathing deeply, quietly, and rhythmically to convince him, but only fooling myself. I knew he wasn't fooled. This routine was one that was very familiar to the both of us. Some nights he would try, and other nights he would let me fool myself into believing that he had fallen for my pretense, when we both knew the only person being fooled was me. And even I wasn't fooling myself anymore.
Hence the awkwardness and the heaviness of the silence.
My fingers tightened around his. Darn it.
It had become a reflex action I guess. Initially,my way of saying 'I love you' without words, I did it so much that now it had become part of my subconscious. Loving him was second nature to me. I squeezed my eyelids together and bit my lower lip hoping he hadn't felt that, or at least that he wouldn't use my reflex as a reason to attempt a conversation. No such luck.